Not All Who Stroll Away Take You. Some Free You.
Others are partings that appear to be over, and then, others part silently that lead you back to yourself. It could break the ego and make the blood boil when one walks away, yet not everything that is said goodbye is something lost. Other exits dispose of the room you were not conscious of, you are abandoned of expectations, inappropriateness, or other versions of your own identities. Releasing is not a loss; therefore, it might be the first step towards being even more yourself.
The Quiet Shock of Being Left:
The silence that follows departure is special.
It does not always have to be vocal and dramatic. It is occasionally a soft closing of a door, a conversation which grows more and more refined until it disappears, a word which never recurs.
And silence, here, the original tendency is to make absence the worth of loss.
- What did I do wrong?
- What did I lose?
- Why not good enough to retain them?
We have been socialized to see any dismissal as a subordination. But what should happen should there be some becomings of no loss of all?
And what shall we think of some of our departures, as the acts of liberation, which we could not venture to make?
Departure as Release and Not Rejection:
This essay talks of one such reframing, which does not make your life less by those who leave you. Other portals do not reduce your worth, but restore your property. The other goodbyes are not the sentence on your inadequacy but approvals on your coming into being.
Being left does not imply in any way that it is diminished.
It is sometimes to be ousted--out of incongruity, out of mute agreements, out of the varieties of your own personality that were shrinking to a size which could no longer push into its place your entire structure.
Neither does everyone who leaves you.
Some free you.
Exploration:
I. The Myth of Mutual Necessity:
Many people assume that meaningful relationships must be permanent for both parties concerned. Time and price we find:e and perseverance and reality. When a thing is finished, we imagine that it must have broken.
Everything, though, is not to be a permanent connection. Others are in-between in nature, bridges, and have no destinations.
Think of the friend whom you used to think of as significant, but now a liability.
The environment that used to be a buzzing workplace now sells you off.
The air, which was once part of it, is now a performance.
When these relations are torn, we lose not only the man or the form of the relation, but the story which we had built round it--the illusion that it was to last.
Meaning is not a matter of permanence. One whole chapter need not always be eternal. A relationship does not necessarily have to be lifelong.
And when one walks, it does not necessarily mean that you were not worthy of being there. It is nothing but that the mutual need is over.
And honesty will part when need is passed.
II. The Leaving Too Late Price, which is not so obvious:
We do not tend to put a value on the value of what we have kept. We only guess how much we suffer from our loss.
Still, there is a mute wearing away that comes about as we are still kept in spaces that are no longer fitted to what we are becoming. It shows up as:
- blocking of debates that were formerly simple.
- fatigue of hitherto stimulating experiences.
- Nevertheless, to avoid discord or embarrassment, use a low tone of your voice.
- Internalisation of a few imaginations of another person.
Neutrality does not exist in the wrong place of living. It has a cost.
We do not leave at times because we are afraid of the sadness caused by parting with someone. However, we do not realize that we are already in the relationship, grieving.
When they walk away, the first in such cases, it is as though they were leaving you and not as though you were leaving them, but it is really merely that they have broken a more lasting, unspoken abandonment you were playing with your own person.
Their leave shows you what you had been keeping to yourself so long in your stay.
III. The Ethics of Becoming Completely Visible:
Nobody has the capacity to perceive you the way you are now.
People come across you at a certain type of self, what you wanted to become, or what you thought you could do, or what you could tolerate before. You become more than you become equally in the power of your subjective perception of yourself.
And so, a friction begins.
They are responding to you being what you were, and you are trying to make a life of what you are becoming.
Other people do not avoid you, but since you are not who they know, you have been made something different. The fact that you are developing disturbs the terms under which the relation was made.
It can be seen as rejection depending on how they move away. But it may be the frontiers of their perception.
You should not only be prepared for what they should see, but you must grant them the authority to see that, and not persuade them to creep into something less.
Where they cannot do so, they may give you the most ethical thing they can forfeit.
It provides a clear space in the distance between relationships that can meet you today, and not what they were yesterday.
IV. Freedom as an Unchosen Gift:
The freedom is scarcely ever so manifold as we expect it to be.
We are defined by our vision of what freedom should be: a categorical statement: we are going radically away, making a definite distinction, consciously turning a corner.
However, as it happened many times, freedom comes as a thing imposed upon us and not as something we choose.
- A relationship ends.
- An opportunity closes.
- An individual withdraws themselves.
Initially, it is as though something has been stolen. It is only afterward that we come to understand that something has been repaid our time, our focus, our emotional resources, our whole self.
It is what we cannot give away, and life takes away.
And in that abacus, we find that portion of ourselves which we had forfeited in keeping a relation which was no longer mutual in its development, in its care, in its veracity.
At first, freedom is not necessarily a relief. At times, it is like feeling lost.
However, it is disorientation that is usually the initial indication that you are no longer bound to an old map.
The Insight Thread: Insight densities.
**Reframing Departure:
- It is not always a loss at the end, as some are silent transitions that help to get you back on track.
- A relationship does not necessarily need to be lasting.
- To walk out is sometimes an honest thing, and not a failure.
Self-Integrity Over Proximity:
This trait suggests that person-to-person relationships are less important than the interactions between a person and their environment.
- There is an intangible psychological price of remaining in spaces of misalignment.
- It is hurtful to lose one, but it is cancerous to lose oneself.
- The departure of a person can disrupt a normal self-abandonment.
Being Visible and Bigger Than Perception:
- It is because people associate with your past selves, not with your future being.
- Growth can surpass the ability of another individual to perceive you.
- The fact that they cannot see you does not show you to be insufficient.
Freedom in Disguise:
- Not everything is freedom is a choice, but an offering.
- What goes out of your life could be what was holding back your growth.
- The conditions of new and more aligned connections are the space created by departure.
Conclusion: The Reorientation of Loss.
Living there is not to make departures. It is to make prudent interpretations.
It is only natural that, when one walks away, one feels the sting of absence. The fact that one grieves is no indication that the end was bad; it is an indication that something was important.
But with sorrow, there is also a lesser-noted but no less important realization that your life is not a museum of relationships that have been preserved, but a living landscape that should be open to change.
And some are supposed to be with you just one season of your life. You are shaped by some and then set free. There is something in your reflection of what you once were, and in abandoning you prepare what you will be.
You are not lessened by each of the exits.
Sometimes, you are clarified.
You are at times sent back to yourself.
And also, it is sometimes that very space that one leaves, which is exactly the space you require in order to stand up in your full, uncontracted size.
Aphoristic Closing Line:
Those who go are not always stealing something from you; sometimes they are giving you back that room they were not allowed to be, and so they went.
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